On Monogamy

Dear Future Publisher,

I’ve been cheating on you.

But here’s the thing.  I never promised to be exclusive.

I love what we share.  I love weaving worlds with the written word.  I love everything I do for you, for us.  Every minute of it.

But when I swore I was passionate about this, I never promised I had no other interests.  I didn’t vow to be monogamous to writing, to put it before all other interests and deny myself all other pleasures.  I didn’t say, “I will love this and only this.”

I want to please you, but I also have to please myself.

I know what you’re thinking – what is she getting at?

I cheated.  It’s true.  I cheated with theatre.

But I’ve always loved theatre, too.  And I put it aside to focus on you, to focus on what we share.  And I missed it.  You give me so much, but I wanted more.  Something you couldn’t offer.

I couldn’t help myself.  I was drawn back to it.  Something has always connected me to theatre, an elastic band.  And after pulling away for so long, it finally snapped back.

I don’t love you less than I always have.  I can love you both, in different ways and for different reasons, and maybe for the same reasons, too.  Different things can thrill me and bring me joy.  I can do both.  And maybe I need both.  You can’t be the only thing in my life.

What we have is still special.  I am still writing, still working for you, still working to make you happy.  I will never give that up.  But theatre offers me something exciting, an energy I’ve been missing.  And after three years, I’m so happy to reconnect with it.  I can’t wait to be onstage again, in the bosom of that other love.

Forgive me, future publisher.  Forgive me for wanting so many things.  Forgive me for sharing my time and for prioritizing my own pleasure and enjoyment over our partnership.  Forgive me for giving into my other, baser needs.  Forgive me for having eyes for anything but you.

But know, always know – I still want you.  Nothing changes that.  I am still passionate about us, about the goals we share.  I will make us work, whatever else comes along.  I will have many loves, but our work will always be among them.  I will never tire of fighting for us.




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s